Depression & Sex

People suffering from depression very often lose interest in sex. Unless you are in an unhappy relationship it’s very unlikely your partners depression is anything to do with you.

If you and your partner have a relationship issue this will be discussed at a later date. Or you can contact me at:

Depression is awful for the person suffering from it; however, you will be affected as well since it may intrude on your relationship.
Your partner may recoil from your affection and of course this hurts but it’s important you realise this is probably the depression and not a slight to you personally.
Unfortunately, as much as a depressed person needs cuddles, love and support, the very nature of the illness can stop them accepting such attention. Depressed people often become withdrawn, they stop communicating with you and this may cause arguments in a relationship and that’s the last thing you need.
Although your partner is suffering from an illness you are suffering from a loss. You have ‘lost’ the person closest to you and this may be reflected in your sex life.
It is often the case that depression affects the libido, the sexual urge and this can seem like rejection and even lead you to feel unloved and unwanted.
When the person you love the most has withdrawn so completely from you it’s hard for you not to react. You have feelings too and they are being ignored.
How do you cope with all this emotional turmoil, both yours and your partners? Take strength from the fact there is help available in different forms.
Your doctor may prescribe anti-depressants and it is important to take them as instructed. You could also consider counselling therapy.

Sexual Performance

It is known that chemical changes happen in the brain leading to depression and it has been found that possibly there is a genetic link that causes severe, re-occurring depression

This form of depression will be discussed at a later date.

It is generally accepted that a depressive illness is prone to affecting all our bodily systems, slowing them down. And, of course, if your partner is taking medication this also could cause a feeling of constant drowsiness.

Depression in men often displays as a feeling of hopelessness and that can cause erectile dysfunction. This may be the inability to maintain an erection or premature ejaculation.
Depression in women may take the form of an inability to reach orgasm, a lack of sexual feelings and interest in any sexual activity. A feeling of helplessness may also be present.

Self Help

About two to three weeks after medication has been taken the effects of it will hopefully have the prescribed affect. If not then phone your doctor for advice.
If your partner has ‘lost’ their routine it is important they are encouraged to re-establish some small part of it as a means to an end.
For example getting out of bed in the morning, showering, dressing and eating breakfast. It may help if they write this down as part of a journal – ‘Things I Will Do Today’ and number each goal. As they achieve their aims they can tick them off.
Then planning the day, just small steps at a time. I know this all may sound trivial but they are actually very important steps towards emerging from the depression.
A walk or some other form of exercise will be a good boost both physically and mentally. The brain will release endorphins that have a positive effect on the bodily system.
Encourage your partner to listen to music you know they like. Ask them to write down any happy thoughts or feelings they are having, again this could be part of their journal.
Together make up a menu for the week ahead and write the shopping list. If your partner has been avoiding large supermarkets (possibly because of the number of people) why not go to a small shopping centre together?
Let your partner take on responsibilities again if they so wish, though do not push this if they show signs of concern.
You may go three steps forward and two steps back in the beginning but be the optimist – that’s one step gained.
Give positive reinforcement of any encouraging behaviour with a hug, a smile anything that shows you understand the importance of what they are

Throughout all of your troubles, try to cuddle but don’t assume a cuddle is going to lead to sexual activity, just cuddle with love and tenderness. What you will be doing is showing unconditional love and that is something very precious.


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